Fake Horoscope -
- When John McCain watched Top Gun this weekend for the first time, he discovered that he wasn't a maverick at all. You too will suffer a blow to your ego.
- Poll: 60% think a depression is likely in the near future. You are part of the 40% who are already depressed.
- Senator Obama has expressed concerns that there are more black men in prison than in college. In response, Sarah Palin came up with a solution: don't let black men graduate.
- It was discovered that Nick and Nora's Infinite Playlist was limited by the iPod hard drive capacity. Apple CEO Steve Jobs responded by promising that the next software update would allow for infinite storage.
- Michael Cera was dubbed Hollywood's hottest awkward teen. When Michael Bluth was asked for his comment on the situation, he responded, "Him?"
- Scientists are hopeful that the Large Hadron Collider will produce evidence of the "God Particle" which will help explain how massless particles can cause matter to have mass. It appears that Sarah Palin already holds the secret to the God Particle as she has unleashed new condemnations of Senator Barack Obama's ties with terrorists. A seemingly baseless particle of non-information is steamrolling it's way through the ignorant crowds of Americans - the same ones who don't have spam filters or facebook profiles - and gaining enough mass to make its way to Prime Time network news! For the love of God Particles, don't listen to Sarah Palin.
Posts
